Reminiscing

This year starts off with a sudden goodbye. A sudden parting. I'm still sad thinking about it. Days i can't imagine spending time without her and telling her stuff i never tell to anyone, stuff no one can understand other than me and her, well-hidden feelings i organized into a pile of days of quality time i spend with her.
It's gone.



I thought it's the best for her, i know she deserved so much better than this, because she's a worthy person, and a strong one to be exact. I always know that.
Standing beside me, defending me, siding with me no matter what, smiling with no boundaries, caring with no intention, always and always and always listening without judging me. Is there any better friend that can understand my pain? my obsession, my life, up and down of my emotion, my dark side, my feelings.
Days and night i still can't stop thinking about her.
and why she has to leave.
why.
of all people.
she's the one who has to leave me.
knowing that i don't tell anyone my secret. that without her i'm an empty shell. that without her, i'm carrying my feelings all myself. that i always need her. to remind me that i'm worth to someone. to her.
and vice versa.
we are two colors complementing each other. colliding with a force no one can't see. a pretty colors that only us can see. can understand. how our tiny world dissolve with that colors we treasured so much.

you don't know how miserable i am.
how i miss someone this much.
how i'm longing for your presence.

and i hope in the next life, i'll be able to protect you more, to treasure our friendship more, to love you more, to hug you more, and perhaps,
to hold your hand from leaving me.